Mistresses who do and don't?

A recent blog post from a Mistress who has decided to stop offering her services as a pro-Domme based on her estimation that pro-Domme experiences have become full-service and sexual, has made me aware of an apparent debate of Mistresses who do or don't.

And, in the words of Lewis Black, I keep thinking, did I miss a day in school somewhere?

I have never done anything with my clients outside of strict BDSM. I am always fully clothed. Oncemore, all the pro-Dommes I personally know in or outside of LA operate the same way.

Are there really so many pro-Dommes out there who are having sex with their clients? I posted the question on twitter and got one response, from a sub, who said he heard that some gave handjobs.

I've known of escorts who may dom or sub at their discretion, but on the whole, they are looking for another connection with a client, usually to have sex, not to have a full-on BDSM session.

I remember being in a commercial dungeon and being annoyed, along with my other "independent contractors" when clients came in clearly wanting more than BDSM--sometimes only wanting more than BDSM. We didn't care so much that they wanted it, we just weren't going to give it to them; we wanted to refer them to other sex workers who would give them what they wanted and leave us alone. I've long wanted to make a quiz for clueless people, called "This is the Sex Worker for You!" Here is a sample question:

Do you want your balls . . .

a. smashed
b. banging against pussy
c. grinded through your pants with pasties in your face.
d. to be touched by yourself as you talk to someone endlessly on the internet about what you would do if you were both there in the same room naked as opposed to being in different time zones with your respective spouses upstairs asleep.

If you answered mostly A's, you want a Domme. If you answered mostly B's, you want an escort. If you answered mostly C's you want a stripper. If you answered mostly D's, you want an emotional affair which although isn't a sex worker, yes, it's still cheating, and yes, you are an asshole, because this means you can't actualize what you would like to do with the person you are in a relationship with nor can you find a live person to do it with, get a life, seek help and stop using the internet.

This test is by no means conclusive, but I had no idea another answer choice was needed, i.e. if you answered A's and B's, you want a Dommescort.

Searching the internet for answers, I found the noted interview
with Mistress Y from Smith magazine where she says, "No. I don’t have conventional sex with my clients."

But it's from 2007, so maybe something has changed. I found a post from a Mistress just this month on a marketing site where she says "At no time does a mistress have sex with a client."

Dare I quote FOXSexpert: To Be a Dominatrix, where Yvonne Fullbright contends, "but the fact that they are able to avoid intercourse is the main reason your “average” women in need of cash are going this route."

Here's another domme from New York City who in her interview also says, "For the client, being dominated is 100% about sensuality but it is not about sex. There is no sex and no nudity inside a dungeon."

A thread on Yahoo answers where this is a resounding "no" to the question if Mistresses have sex with their clients

Then, there's the interview with Mistress Georgia to consider: "In California being a dominatrix is legal because there is never any sex (at all) involved in being a dominatrix."

Here's an interview from a Mistress from London who said, "There was never any sex involved in the ‘sessions’.

I am very pro-prostitution.* I think it should be legalized and even if it never is, I still think it is valid and needed work. I have friends who are escorts and would never judge someone for doing this type of sex work, it is just not for me. Why? Because I'm a fucking dominatrix!

In $pread magazine, there is a column for the weirdest request from a client. What strikes me as odd about these requests, is many of them aren't that odd, they just seemed to be misdirected to the incorrect type of sex worker. The example that comes to mind is the guy who asked a stripper to kick him in the balls. Certainly not at all odd for me, working or not, but this was weird as hell for her. Why? Because she was a fucking stripper.

So, tell me. Are you fucking your clients? Because I'm fucking not.



*I think it's important to clarify that I believe there to be three main categories of prostitution. I endorse people who make 1) an uncoerced choice to enter into prostitution. I do NOT mean 2) forced sexual slavery or 3) people who think they have no choice but to enter sex work for various economical, social, and political reasons beyond their control.

FemDomme and Foot Fetish: The Early Years

For some reason, lately, I've been thinking back to early encounters of the kinky kind. I'm always getting asked about how I began, and you can find a few answers here or there, but really, when I think back, I remember this is always how things were--dominance came naturally to me.

I recall spending time with a group of new friends in college. We were at a grocery store and one of the boys mentioned how good he was a foot massages. In fact, he loved to give them! Well, I instructed him right then and there to prove it. He artfully unbuckled my sandal (I am still, after many years impressed with this) and took my tender, well-pedicured foot in hand.

He was good. He was very good. He was so good I could barely keep composure as he massaged my foot in the middle of the grocery store. I think I leaned heavily against his broad shoulders, but eventually made him kneel so I could sit on his leg and most properly enjoy the foot massage he was giving me.

We all find each other. He had consciously or perhaps unconsciously been admiring my pretty feet and strong will, and as soon as I realized his proclivities, I seized the opportunity.

Now, I'm not saying that I love to dominate and order around all men, but if I can't, I'm just not sure what to do with you.

Latex pool pervert

I refuse to let summer go. Here's a sneak peek at my new photo set with Jim Groves. We had a lot of fun in the pool, as I modeled my black latex gown, he took photos of me from above and below. We agreed it was by far the best thing we've done in the pool this summer.

What have you done in the pool this summer?

Double Trouble in New Orleans

Finally, I have booked a flight to see my favorite red-headed Beautiful Lady of the South, Mistress Erin. I will be there from 9/30-10/7.

I wanted to post a photo of us together, but all our photos are um, too spicy for the 'net. Although I plan on getting in a couple of decent photoshoots while I'm there, I think the decadence will inspire me.

I quiver in delight to see what sort of trouble we will get into together in NOLA.

Perhaps you would like to join us?


I'm also looking forward to seeing Don, an old friend from home. He's an amazing photographer but also designs amazing couture fetish clothing. I know we will at least shoot together, but it's high time I get my paws on some of his exquisite creations.

Belle du Jour ~ Book Review

Creating a persona as a literary device is nothing new. Lorenzo Carcaterra, author of Sleepers, claims his story of horribly abused children in a New York State Correctional facility is true, while the correctional authorities and the Manhattan District Attorney deny this story. Notably erotic novel Story of O's author was clouded in mystery, first believed to be a man, then recognized as a woman, eventually claiming she wrote the book as a series of love letters to her lover; yet her non de plume was itself, a non de plume. Most recently, the scandalized account of Girl Boy Girl, how I became JT Leroy, when it was revealed that the gay-male-ex-truck-stop-prostitute-turned literary-wunderkind was really the actual author's sister-in-law.

My point is, that it hardly matters from a literary standpoint; these are great stories. Some of them are great writers. However, most likely, we would have never paid attention to them if we had not been beguiled to believing them to be TRUE stories by the people who lived them.

That being said, Belle du Jour is a helluva book. It's also, as David Cross's voice echoes in my ears, 100% total bullshit.

In Belle du Jour's case, I'm going to consider this the Nancy Drew Syndrome. Many of my readers are male, so let me familiarize you with the detective. Nancy Drew is an independent young woman who gets into all kinds of crazy trouble investigating potentially dangerous dancing puppets and hidden staircases. Her circle includes a doting, rich father, no mother to bother her, a loving boyfriend and two gal pals, one of which is tom boyish Georgia "George" Fayne and super girlish Bess Marvin; read dyke and lipstick femme. What a wonderful life! Also 100% bullshit--obviously, as fiction--but appealing to teems of young girls for whom Nancy Drew has everything--also, a doting housekeeper. The whole thing is just too good to be true, Nancy and Belle just have way too many cool adventures with a doting entourage. My claim of 100% bullshit is based on two basic principles: 1) there isn't enough time to do all the things claimed to have been done and 2) there are too many fantastic things going on to have all actually happened.

First, there does not appear to be enough time for all events to occur. Every time she mentions a lover, it's something along the lines of: I dated him several years ago for several years. How old is this brood? Not to mention all the amazing sexual encounters she had before becoming a sex worker. The fact that she posts daily, because everything is supposed to be happening in real time, makes it easy to overlook the obvious time problems, but they still exist.

Second, it does not seem plausible that so many fantastic things occur. I believe its possible to have a group of close male friends. I believe its possible to remain friends with old lovers. I believe its possible to have a steady boyfriend who is okay with his girlfriend's sex work. I believe its possible to love anal sex. I believe its possible for an escort to also domme. I believe its possible for a grown ass woman to call her father "Daddy." I believe its possible to have an encounter with another sex worker in the bathroom of a pub where she pours her heart out to you, a stranger, about her "notorious" attack SEVERAL YEARS AGO. I just don't believe its possible nor bloody likely for all these things to co-exist in one body, that of Belle du Jour.

However, going beyond the Nancy Drew Syndrome, I believe she (or he) used new media to get into classic print. I contend that this entire blog was pre-written and posted daily with the hopes of eventually getting it published as a book. The writing itself is very good, beyond standard sex worker memoir or even blogger writing. It is professionally done, it is amazingly done. And it was definitely pre-written--pre-meditated even.

Don't get me wrong, I think there are many intelligent, highly educated sex workers out there loving their jobs and having amazing sex on and off the job, Belle du Jour just isn't one of them. Enjoy the fictional memoir--I did. It was sexy--particularly appealing to me were her kinky encounters were she subs. It was funny--when a client asked her how to make her cum, she told him it would take six goats, an old press and the proper alignment of the stars. It was smart--it just isn't true.

And if I'm wrong, if Belle du Jour actually exists and is so wonderful as she so claims, then, at least she should be capable of defrosting her freezer.

Obey

Most of my time is spent disciplining bad boys, but sometimes a naughty school girl deserves my attention as well.

The lil miss's offences are the following:

1. Kissing bad boys
2. Not doing her homework
3. Disobeying Ms. Justine

I give her heavy books to balance on her hands, leaving her standing until her arms quiver--I pull her hair and tell her to stand up straight.



I take off her precious leather belt with heart buckle because I have a much better idea of how to use it.



Excuse me, while I give her the proper licking she deserves.




She will learn to obey.

Double Take in $pread

Corset or jeans, I look fiercely beautiful in both! Check me out in print: the Summer 2009 issue of $pread's feature, Double Take. I answer a few questions about my style in the dungeon and on the street. Photos are by the lovely Jenny DeMilo.

$pread is a much needed magazine "illuminating the sex industry." Also, in this issue are interviews with alt-porn performers, articles on D.C. activists fighting prostitution-free zones, stripper tarot and reviews on strap-ons. Informative, sexy and awesome--go get a copy now.

Fresh

You lie beneath me, eagerly gazing up my long uncovered legs, under my short black leather skirt to a dark corner between my legs. You see flashes of flesh and black lace as I walk over you. On the floor, you remain helpless, only able to explore with your eyes, as I have fully and thoroughly restrained you. Limbs are safely tucked in by your sides, you wouldn't dare move anyway after my explicit instructions with the rather explicit consequences of disobeying them.

I crouch over you, begin to bend my knees over your head, you smell my legs, my lavender lotion, the fine leather of my skirt, closer you begin to smell me, as I firmly plant myself on your face, knees on either side of your head. Your senses heighten in a frenzy, suffocating on mouthfuls of lace and scent. After a minute or so I rise, allowing you to breath fresh air, but we both know you would much rather struggle to breath against me. I sit on your face over and over again, seeing how long you can endure my weight on your face.

Finally, I decide to move away from you. I position myself behind you, so you can't see me or even touch me, but just so that you can hear me. I think about many things while I have my hand down my skirt, pressed against where your nose just was; I think about the exquisite training of potential slaves, their eager eyes; the gasps of hurtful canings, the moaning of pleasurable spankings, the way I pulled her hair, the way that she pulled mine, all these memories and desires coinciding with my own gasps and moans, ending with a very wet pair of panties indeed.

Should you desire a chance at these panties, I suggest you visit this site for the used panty raffle; proceeds to be donated to the National Breast Cancer Foundation


***Update! Over $2,000 was raised for breast cancer research. I will be sending my black lace panties abroad to the lucky winner.

Do you wanna be my girl?

I start by stripping you bare, you become new before me. I discard your pants, shirt, shoes; I take off your watch, your glasses and put them all away. They are no longer needed.

I begin with picking out the appropriate lingerie. Shall you be my innocent maiden or my slutty girl of the night? I decide on the latter, and pick out black lace panties and bra. You step into the panties, I slowly pull them up past your thighs, up to your hips, comfortably tucking everything away. I bring the bra in front of you, and you slide your arms into it, I fasten you up in back. We're both quite aroused at the sight of you in your sexy black lace lingerie. I take a moment to cop a feel, feeling up your breasts, pinching your nipples--you moan and gasp in delight.

Moving on, I bring over a black satin garter, clip it around your hips. I choose sheer black stockings with a seam running up the back. I gather the stocking in my hands and inform you to stick one delicate foot into the pile of sheer and slowly stretch the stocking up your leg, carefully adjusting to make sure the seam is straight and clip it to your garter. I repeat with your other leg. Now both legs are beautifully encased in sheer black stockings. I softly run my nails up your legs, squeezing the inside of your thighs.

I take the black corset and wrap it around your waist, fastening the silver hooks in front. I firmly grasp the ties at your back and pull tight, working from top to bottom, pulling, adjusting, cinching your feminine waist tighter and tighter. The corset pushes your breasts upward and makes your ass stick out ever so slightly, so I smack it. I pull up your panties into your ass and smack again, turning your delicious little fanny into a girlish shade of pink.

To finish dressing you, I decide on a very short black leather skirt. I can still see the tops of your thigh highs and garter, but as my slutty girl it's ever so appropriate. I complete your outfit with tall shiny black boots. Your transformation is complete.

I ask you to walk toward me, with your best seductive gait, slowly swinging your hips, teetering ever so slightly in your new high heels, I pull you close by sliding my finger between your breasts into your bra and whisper, Do you wanna be my girl?

Two Knotty Boys Show You the Ropes ~ Book Review

This book is nicely laid out with large color photos. It breaks down the bondage into five sections: the knots, basic, decorative, dominance and sex bondage. In other words, something for everyone. If you are like me, you utilize all sections within a single enjoyable evening.

This is a pretty sexy book about rope, but I found some of the pictures seemingly straightforward, but were rather complicated in action. I don't think this is necessary fault of the Knotty Boys, I just think it is very difficult to show someone with text and photographs how to tie bondage. They show a few impressive knots and systems that look great upon which you can expand. However, it does not, for example, go into how to safely rig someone for suspension.

Someone actually made me a rather thoughtful binder of all knots, not just kinky ones, but functional ones. I can still use them for sinister purposes. Eco-savy BDSM tip: befriend rock climbers and ask for their retired rope. Take out the core and you will have tons of great bondage rope that will impress Midori.

Like Mae West said, a girl who knows the ropes is less likely to be tied up.