Whip Smart ~ Book Review

When I first heard about Whip Smart by Melissa Febos, I must have had a crush on her about dozen different ways. First, she's a former Domme. Then she's published a book about her experiences. She runs a series in NYC. She has an MFA in Creative Writing from Sarah Lawrence. She teaches writing classes at a college. Her website is actually pretty cool. Okay, and finally, she is smoking hot. To my credit, I crushed on this last since I didn't see a picture of her until AFTER I found out all these things. That being said, I was really looking forward to reading her book. It seems to have caused quite a flutter. I'm saddened to say that I was really disappointed.

I'm not sure how someone can take BDSM, NYC, heroin and hot bisexual women hooking up, and make a boring story, but in that Febos succeeds. This book really had more to do with her drug use and struggle to stay clean--we are not taking about recreational party drug use here, we are talking about doing speedballs and shooting up before sessions.

The story is cliche: white suburban middle class oddball goes to NYC to find other oddballs, realizes shit is expensive and becomes a sex worker since the high hourly wage will not effect other recreational, artistic activities. I was forcing myself to get through the majority of this book--partially because I didn't find it very interesting but also because of the heavy drug use. I agree with Mistress Matisse's quip that it could have been called Needle Sharp. Read her well-written review in the Stranger here.

Then I ask myself: What am I really expecting when I read these memoirs? NONE of them admit, Hey, I really liked doing this and I was good at it. I made money, then I stopped. Now I write.

And I'm not really sure what the writers are expecting when they write it, but it seems to be something along the line of, Hey, I did this for a couple of years, barely enough to make a drop in the bucket so no one in the scene actually remembers or knows who I am until maybe when they see my new book. I had bad experiences in the sex industry, mostly due to my own problems BEFORE entering it and many CAUSED while in it, but hey, here's my book. Now I'm a writer and an adjunct.

Maybe I'm just reading the wrong memoirs. Anyone have any suggestions? (I have been reading The Unauthorized Autobiography of Master R, which I find fantastic and will post review when I'm finished.)

Belle du Jour ~ Book Review

Creating a persona as a literary device is nothing new. Lorenzo Carcaterra, author of Sleepers, claims his story of horribly abused children in a New York State Correctional facility is true, while the correctional authorities and the Manhattan District Attorney deny this story. Notably erotic novel Story of O's author was clouded in mystery, first believed to be a man, then recognized as a woman, eventually claiming she wrote the book as a series of love letters to her lover; yet her non de plume was itself, a non de plume. Most recently, the scandalized account of Girl Boy Girl, how I became JT Leroy, when it was revealed that the gay-male-ex-truck-stop-prostitute-turned literary-wunderkind was really the actual author's sister-in-law.

My point is, that it hardly matters from a literary standpoint; these are great stories. Some of them are great writers. However, most likely, we would have never paid attention to them if we had not been beguiled to believing them to be TRUE stories by the people who lived them.

That being said, Belle du Jour is a helluva book. It's also, as David Cross's voice echoes in my ears, 100% total bullshit.

In Belle du Jour's case, I'm going to consider this the Nancy Drew Syndrome. Many of my readers are male, so let me familiarize you with the detective. Nancy Drew is an independent young woman who gets into all kinds of crazy trouble investigating potentially dangerous dancing puppets and hidden staircases. Her circle includes a doting, rich father, no mother to bother her, a loving boyfriend and two gal pals, one of which is tom boyish Georgia "George" Fayne and super girlish Bess Marvin; read dyke and lipstick femme. What a wonderful life! Also 100% bullshit--obviously, as fiction--but appealing to teems of young girls for whom Nancy Drew has everything--also, a doting housekeeper. The whole thing is just too good to be true, Nancy and Belle just have way too many cool adventures with a doting entourage. My claim of 100% bullshit is based on two basic principles: 1) there isn't enough time to do all the things claimed to have been done and 2) there are too many fantastic things going on to have all actually happened.

First, there does not appear to be enough time for all events to occur. Every time she mentions a lover, it's something along the lines of: I dated him several years ago for several years. How old is this brood? Not to mention all the amazing sexual encounters she had before becoming a sex worker. The fact that she posts daily, because everything is supposed to be happening in real time, makes it easy to overlook the obvious time problems, but they still exist.

Second, it does not seem plausible that so many fantastic things occur. I believe its possible to have a group of close male friends. I believe its possible to remain friends with old lovers. I believe its possible to have a steady boyfriend who is okay with his girlfriend's sex work. I believe its possible to love anal sex. I believe its possible for an escort to also domme. I believe its possible for a grown ass woman to call her father "Daddy." I believe its possible to have an encounter with another sex worker in the bathroom of a pub where she pours her heart out to you, a stranger, about her "notorious" attack SEVERAL YEARS AGO. I just don't believe its possible nor bloody likely for all these things to co-exist in one body, that of Belle du Jour.

However, going beyond the Nancy Drew Syndrome, I believe she (or he) used new media to get into classic print. I contend that this entire blog was pre-written and posted daily with the hopes of eventually getting it published as a book. The writing itself is very good, beyond standard sex worker memoir or even blogger writing. It is professionally done, it is amazingly done. And it was definitely pre-written--pre-meditated even.

Don't get me wrong, I think there are many intelligent, highly educated sex workers out there loving their jobs and having amazing sex on and off the job, Belle du Jour just isn't one of them. Enjoy the fictional memoir--I did. It was sexy--particularly appealing to me were her kinky encounters were she subs. It was funny--when a client asked her how to make her cum, she told him it would take six goats, an old press and the proper alignment of the stars. It was smart--it just isn't true.

And if I'm wrong, if Belle du Jour actually exists and is so wonderful as she so claims, then, at least she should be capable of defrosting her freezer.

Indecent: How I Make it and Fake it as a Girl for Hire ~ Book Review

I knew we were not going to get along the moment I read "Hemingway still sucks" in her acknowledgments.

It begins with her adolescent realization that working minimum wage jobs suck and that she could still be a feminist and be a sex worker. So she wanders into a sexy place and fills out an application. I found it really amazing that she never even knew what she was applying for. I could understand that she being a punky feminist living in grunge Seattle had never shaved or owned anything overtly sexy like thongs, but her acting surprised that she would have to do these things if she wanted to work in this sexy place--what would she be doing--was amazing. I thought the language was a bit overwrought and chatty, much like the bowels of livejournal tends to be.

I read a bunch of reviews on Amazon and found them all suspect and like they were clapping for someone in the special Olympics. Why do you think she is intelligent? Is it because she was capable of post-modern thought while simultaneously being a sex worker? I wouldn't really classify her as intelligent, but wouldn't go so far as to say she was stupid either. However, saying her writing about sex work is interesting is about as obvious as global warming. Duh. It's about SEX. Of course it's interesting. Could someone ever write about sex work and be boring? Let's stop clapping. Thanks.

But then, despite of myself, I actually started to really like this book. She so accurately describes the stench of sex worker institutions--thick with perfume, stench, cum and disinfectant, thick with thickness. If you have never been to one, this is as accurate as its going to get. Imagine people doing their dirtiest of functions in a place that never opens the windows and must saturate every surface, even the air, with chemicals to mask the smell and risk. Once I went out after a session and my friend frowned at me and said, You smell like the dungeon.

She nails the smell, she nails the waterlogged magazines constant in dressing rooms, she nails the napping--some of my fondest memories of working in a dungeon are taking naps on the bondage bed. I never really thought about how similar lives of other sex workers were to the ones of me and women in my dungeon. Until recently, I've never even been exposed to sex workers other than Dommes.

Are we all so similar? We do feast when money rolls in, and sell our things when money's tight. We're in a constant state of overly made-up and teetering off the edge of sanity. I never felt the same sense of competitiveness as she did with her co-workers nor have I felt like my stuff was going to get stolen, and I agree with her that most women choose to do sex work for obvious and good reasons, however, in a certain sense you have to be a little nuts to be in this business at all. Even if you are not before you start, you're going to be a little nutty doing this work. Yes, there are truly amazing people you meet, but at the same time you are constantly exposed to depravity, sadness, and fragility. What really struck me is that management seems to be more fucked up than the women actually doing the sex work--they admonish her for posting her own ads, they are upset when she protects her health, they are happy when the girls fight. Bad management is a consistent problem throughout the labor market, but it is beyond me why managers of sex workers, one of the most lucrative businesses with little overheard would deliberately hurt their profit makers. I wonder, are there any memoirs by those who ran sex worker institutions? Beyond "Madams" that is.

She's remarkably perceptive regarding what her clients want and how best to extract the most money from them. I'm glad she touched on how so many men seem to either not care about being in another man's filth or cum, or might actually enjoy it as she describes how they would lick the glass at her peep show obviously fraught with cum. She begins unshaven in Seattle and ends up stealing from a client in New Orleans. I enjoyed her ten year journey in the sex industry--I recommend reading this book both for the client and the sex worker.

I liked her "point system" when she's assessing her worth next to another stripper; being white gets more points, having lots of tattoos loses points, etc. But what I loved most of all, was her correct assessment, that in the end, being beautiful in this industry doesn't make you the most money, being the smart girl does. :)

Strip City ~ Book Review

As you may have guessed, this book isn't related to BDSM in any way but only sex work, however I wanted to share how much I enjoyed it.

Formula for sex workers turned writers: Take Girl who is edgy, artistic and doesn't really fit it. Girl leaves home and goes far far away. Girl has no money (Crap!) Girl realizes sex work as a viable option to make a lot of money while going to school or pursuing creative goals. Lilly Burana decides to pick up stripping again to get some closure and travels around the country.

Even though she was a stripper for about five years, she claims she never took it very seriously and up and quits to be a full time writer. Her first assignment is driving across country where she meets a man in Montana. (I have a crush on this man, he's from Montana for pete's sake, he does manly things and is even missing a tooth, swoon!) Lily decides to start stripping and to go about it in a more professional way, signing up for stripping school, buying custom made costumes and a shit ton of glitter. She finally learns to be a good dancer. It's a thorough exploration of herself and other women in the biz across the country. In the mix are many interviews with elderly burlesque performers and famous (and not so famous) strippers from back in the day.

She also takes some time to mention how she fought for stripper's rights in San Francisco over the ridiculous, but practically mandatory stage fees that crop up in clubs.

I like her style. I like that she's from NJ. I like that I am privileged to read another happy ending of a woman in the sex industry who is also a writer.

I was a Teenage Dominatrix ~ Book Review

If there was a category in the high school yearbook, Most Likely to be a Dominatrix, I would have been it. I’m not sure exactly how I got this reputation, possibly because I liked giving orders and being a bitch, but one year my friend gave me this book, in hopes to start my career.

This memoir is wonderful, but actually has less to do with BDSM and more about the class struggle. It is a woman's journey getting out of the trailer park and becoming educated and worldly.

Shawna Kenney began when she was 19 and then retired in her early twenties. She started working as a stripper, doing outcall in hotel rooms, but found her niche in her “favorite role” being “in charge . . . the ruler, the queen, the BOSS.” The memoir does not cover her training as a pro-domme or protocol in sessions. The sessions she describes are activities like verbal humilation, foot fetish, cross-dressing and GS, but there is some impact play. She works for a private place where she is on call for either sessions in the space or out call, which may include other ladies. Because of this, she seems to talk mostly about the fairness and generosity of her lady boss then the other women she works with. One of my favorites is her menstrual fetish client who buys her used tampons. I love a girl who never throws anything away.

I don't think she was looking for empowerment, I think she was looking for a way to pay the bills. She wanted to pay her way through college; her parents weren't going to be able to assist her and they never went to college themselves. Her description of normalcy was illustrating her humble beginnings and how she continually defied her parents and society norms. I find particularly touching her thrill of backpacking through Europe and retiterates how unbelievable it is that girl like her could go on such a spectacular trip.

This is a hot debate in the BDSM world, if one is lifestyle or professional or both. Lifestyle meaning that one incorporates BDSM as a regular part of one's life; professional being one who plays for money. There are many lifestyle players who are also professional; there are many professionals who do not incorporate BDSM into their lives outside of work. I don't think either deserves our scorn or judgment. Also, every person will only play with what he or she wants to do. Just because you advertise as a professional domme, does not mean you are going to be capable or desirous of playing with every client who wants to play with you. This happened a couple of times in the book and Kenney had that client play with a domme who could give them the type of scene they wanted. This shows her integrity of satisfying a client and keeping her limits intact.

Kenney contends that LA is oversaturated in the domme market so when she moved here, retired. She tumbled into BDSM as a way to pay the bills; she enjoyed it, she was good at it and then felt it was time to hang up her paddle, but knows she can always return to it.

Many of my friends, in or out of the scene thoroughly enjoy this book. Kenney is a very intelligent, go-getter, balls to the wall kinda lady

The Pleasure's All Mine ~ Book Review

I have been meaning to read this book for a long time, hoping it would give me insight into the life of a professional submissive. While I was a submissive, I felt it would be valuable to learn of another professional’s experience. Memoirs about one’s professional life in BDSM are few and far between, usually written after the person has left the scene, probably due to avoid giving out “trade secrets” as well as allowing her/his clients’ privacy. Or some publish personal accounts, but generally on a more educational level such as Midori or Jay Wiseman. However, although Kelly’s memoir markets her life as a professional submissive, I feel her real goal was to find some kinky sex.

Kelly starts by reminiscing of her one and only kinky boyfriend and how she misses the D/s aspect of their intimate lives. She attempts to find kink-like mates at a class offered by a BDSM group. This is a good start, but she doesn’t connect with many people. She does strike up conversation with one man, Clark, who later invites her over to his house to play, but correctly ascertains while she is willing, she is not totally ready to become involved in an extended scene. Clark later tells her about a commercial dungeon where submissives can get paid for role play, but he also warns her that many women can get burnt out playing professionally. I feel this is a fair warning; professional and lifestyle BDSM are as different as night and day. Most notably, professional BDSM does not include sex because as it stands, most of the United States classifies excepting money for sex as prostitution, which is illegal. Also, while some clients may become long-term regulars, lifestyle partners are usually ones that you spend a lot of time exploring and pushing limits.

Once hired, “Marnie” decides very quickly that she loves being a professional submissive, but doesn’t seem to have a clear idea of what that means; she seems unable to define her personal and BDSM boundaries. She allows herself to become much too physically and emotionally involved with a client. Again, this can be a difficult position to maintain because this is an intimate job. However, she enjoys it so much and realizes she can make so much more money than at her boring, dead end job, she decides to quit her straight job and work exclusively as a professional submissive against advice given to her. I feel this is another initial mistake of new professional players, while yes, this kind of job can be way more fun than filing papers and in a few hours can make your 40 hour week look pitiful, it still takes time to build up clientele to survive solely on playing. Also, there are periods of slow down and inexplicable cancellation, such as tax season as Marnie discovers when playing in New York. Even if you don’t “work” much at a straight job, you can still collect a pay check, and other benefits such as health insurance, sick and vacation time as well as many other amenities not afforded to an independent contractor.

She decides to leave the dungeon and become independent after what seems a matter of only weeks. Again, it should be noted that she seems to move through this decisions rather briskly: she has gone from exploring BDSM classes, to professional submissive in a dungeon, to quitting her day job, to finally becoming an independent submissive. While she does find players who respect her, she similarly finds Dommes who treat her merely as a submissive and not a professional player on equal grounds, such as when a Domme offers her a job as her personal assistant. I agree with Marnie that such an offer would not have been made to a professional Dominatrix.

However, throughout the rest of her scenes in the memoir, she sometimes includes sex in her sessions with clients, whether it be her masturbating, to finally having anal sex with a client.

This is a memoir; just one piece of one woman’s life who worked as a professional submissive. There is very little about what makes a successful or good professional submissive, but there are very few on the scene. This memoir serves as a guide of what not to do as a pro sub. She throws herself into the professional BDSM community because she longs for a D/s relationship akin to her one and only kinky boyfriend and because she enjoys making money being a submissive more than she enjoys working in a slow-paced office. I cannot judge her for the choices she has made, however, it seems she would have been better served searching for a kinky playmate to indulge in her fantasies because she clearly wanted to include sex in her play time.