The Pleasure's All Mine ~ Book Review

I have been meaning to read this book for a long time, hoping it would give me insight into the life of a professional submissive. While I was a submissive, I felt it would be valuable to learn of another professional’s experience. Memoirs about one’s professional life in BDSM are few and far between, usually written after the person has left the scene, probably due to avoid giving out “trade secrets” as well as allowing her/his clients’ privacy. Or some publish personal accounts, but generally on a more educational level such as Midori or Jay Wiseman. However, although Kelly’s memoir markets her life as a professional submissive, I feel her real goal was to find some kinky sex.

Kelly starts by reminiscing of her one and only kinky boyfriend and how she misses the D/s aspect of their intimate lives. She attempts to find kink-like mates at a class offered by a BDSM group. This is a good start, but she doesn’t connect with many people. She does strike up conversation with one man, Clark, who later invites her over to his house to play, but correctly ascertains while she is willing, she is not totally ready to become involved in an extended scene. Clark later tells her about a commercial dungeon where submissives can get paid for role play, but he also warns her that many women can get burnt out playing professionally. I feel this is a fair warning; professional and lifestyle BDSM are as different as night and day. Most notably, professional BDSM does not include sex because as it stands, most of the United States classifies excepting money for sex as prostitution, which is illegal. Also, while some clients may become long-term regulars, lifestyle partners are usually ones that you spend a lot of time exploring and pushing limits.

Once hired, “Marnie” decides very quickly that she loves being a professional submissive, but doesn’t seem to have a clear idea of what that means; she seems unable to define her personal and BDSM boundaries. She allows herself to become much too physically and emotionally involved with a client. Again, this can be a difficult position to maintain because this is an intimate job. However, she enjoys it so much and realizes she can make so much more money than at her boring, dead end job, she decides to quit her straight job and work exclusively as a professional submissive against advice given to her. I feel this is another initial mistake of new professional players, while yes, this kind of job can be way more fun than filing papers and in a few hours can make your 40 hour week look pitiful, it still takes time to build up clientele to survive solely on playing. Also, there are periods of slow down and inexplicable cancellation, such as tax season as Marnie discovers when playing in New York. Even if you don’t “work” much at a straight job, you can still collect a pay check, and other benefits such as health insurance, sick and vacation time as well as many other amenities not afforded to an independent contractor.

She decides to leave the dungeon and become independent after what seems a matter of only weeks. Again, it should be noted that she seems to move through this decisions rather briskly: she has gone from exploring BDSM classes, to professional submissive in a dungeon, to quitting her day job, to finally becoming an independent submissive. While she does find players who respect her, she similarly finds Dommes who treat her merely as a submissive and not a professional player on equal grounds, such as when a Domme offers her a job as her personal assistant. I agree with Marnie that such an offer would not have been made to a professional Dominatrix.

However, throughout the rest of her scenes in the memoir, she sometimes includes sex in her sessions with clients, whether it be her masturbating, to finally having anal sex with a client.

This is a memoir; just one piece of one woman’s life who worked as a professional submissive. There is very little about what makes a successful or good professional submissive, but there are very few on the scene. This memoir serves as a guide of what not to do as a pro sub. She throws herself into the professional BDSM community because she longs for a D/s relationship akin to her one and only kinky boyfriend and because she enjoys making money being a submissive more than she enjoys working in a slow-paced office. I cannot judge her for the choices she has made, however, it seems she would have been better served searching for a kinky playmate to indulge in her fantasies because she clearly wanted to include sex in her play time.