I'm sad to post about another Golden Girl's passing. In honor of both Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty, I give you one of their funniest moments as mother and daughter:
Some of my favorite lines:
(About her mother)
Dorothy: I can't believe this. We have to find her. The last words I said to her were, "Shut up, Zulu."
(About Stan)
Dorothy: I could vomit just looking at you.
Stan: Hurry back muffin.
Dorothy: My feet have wings barf bag.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Gary
Back when I was just a wee deviant I used to spend quite a bit of time finding helpless males to torture via AOL Instant Messenger, when one would actually call it such, and not this new-fangled AIM.
I was introduced to "Gary" through O. He found her, because as a joke in her profile, she had written that she enjoyed repurposing electrical toothbrushes as castration devices. Little did we know what a serious fellow this was and we engaged in many a conversation over the best way to relieve him of his unnecessary appendage.
We talked at length how we should be the last to use that thing between his legs for our pleasure, not for his. We wanted to have our way with him for hours. We would never let him cum. Then after blissful torture we would remove his disgusting manhood. The remodeled electric toothbrush would be switched on, a spinning frenzy of torture and delight, applied precisely and firmly to his testicals, zip, zip--faster than a haircut, we would simply slice them off.
Discussion still continued over what to do with the mess now that we had separated it from said owner. I was of a mind to bronze them and use them as paper weights. Perhaps now I would have used them as CBT weights. I think that would be rather fitting. I like to reduce, reuse and recycle.
He was so intent and enraptured by our sick, creative minds, he offered to pay for our passage to his town to engage in this fantasy. We never had the pleasure of castrating dear ole Gary, but I have delighted in many lovely castration scenarios since then.
I was introduced to "Gary" through O. He found her, because as a joke in her profile, she had written that she enjoyed repurposing electrical toothbrushes as castration devices. Little did we know what a serious fellow this was and we engaged in many a conversation over the best way to relieve him of his unnecessary appendage.
We talked at length how we should be the last to use that thing between his legs for our pleasure, not for his. We wanted to have our way with him for hours. We would never let him cum. Then after blissful torture we would remove his disgusting manhood. The remodeled electric toothbrush would be switched on, a spinning frenzy of torture and delight, applied precisely and firmly to his testicals, zip, zip--faster than a haircut, we would simply slice them off.
Discussion still continued over what to do with the mess now that we had separated it from said owner. I was of a mind to bronze them and use them as paper weights. Perhaps now I would have used them as CBT weights. I think that would be rather fitting. I like to reduce, reuse and recycle.
He was so intent and enraptured by our sick, creative minds, he offered to pay for our passage to his town to engage in this fantasy. We never had the pleasure of castrating dear ole Gary, but I have delighted in many lovely castration scenarios since then.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Why Same Day Appointments are Impossible
There has also been a rash of eager beavers hoping to get a same day appointments. Suddenly, I realized that I have never granted a same-day appointment.
So my little ones here is why:
1. Logistics
I respond to every sincere inquiry within 24 hours. Even if you are sincere and I do not think we are a suitable match, I will still let you know. Many times I will respond to e-mails within hours, but I choose not to live by my inbox. Since I enjoy so many other things, it seems limiting. So when you e-mail me at 10pm, wanting to see me at 11pm, it is very likely that I have either retired for the night or am out making my own trouble. Do you respond to all your e-mails within minutes?
2. Preparation.
Even if I did get your last minute e-mail, I couldn't possibly prepare for our time together. I start thinking about it the moment you contact me, from space, to toys, to lighting, to wardrobe, right down to the music I will play. I do everything I can to create a mutually enjoyable scene, which is not something I can do with short notice.
3. Classiness/Respect
I am not a corner barber shop you can just wander into on a lark. I am a Lady. I lead a very full schedule. It is disrespectful of Me and My time to inquire about a last minute appointment. Do you expect to be seated with no reservation at four star restaurant?
I want to play with you. I want us both to have an amazing time. Please schedule your appointments with as much notice as possible, ensuring that amazing time.
So my little ones here is why:
1. Logistics
I respond to every sincere inquiry within 24 hours. Even if you are sincere and I do not think we are a suitable match, I will still let you know. Many times I will respond to e-mails within hours, but I choose not to live by my inbox. Since I enjoy so many other things, it seems limiting. So when you e-mail me at 10pm, wanting to see me at 11pm, it is very likely that I have either retired for the night or am out making my own trouble. Do you respond to all your e-mails within minutes?
2. Preparation.
Even if I did get your last minute e-mail, I couldn't possibly prepare for our time together. I start thinking about it the moment you contact me, from space, to toys, to lighting, to wardrobe, right down to the music I will play. I do everything I can to create a mutually enjoyable scene, which is not something I can do with short notice.
3. Classiness/Respect
I am not a corner barber shop you can just wander into on a lark. I am a Lady. I lead a very full schedule. It is disrespectful of Me and My time to inquire about a last minute appointment. Do you expect to be seated with no reservation at four star restaurant?
I want to play with you. I want us both to have an amazing time. Please schedule your appointments with as much notice as possible, ensuring that amazing time.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Upcoming Travel Plans
I haven't been on a vacation it what seems like in forever, so I have decided that I will make time to visit the following within the remainder of the calendar year:
* New Orleans (doubles and trouble with Mistress Erin)
* Seattle + Vancouver
* New York (Fall)
I will keep you updated with my final dates.
* New Orleans (doubles and trouble with Mistress Erin)
* Seattle + Vancouver
* New York (Fall)
I will keep you updated with my final dates.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Human Furniture
I really enjoy furniture play. A body becomes the perfect foot rest for my well pedicured feet while I read The Piano Teacher. Or perhaps you will become a neat little stool upon which I sit while chatting with my girlfriend on the phone. A truly lovely idea is to have several new chairs made for a lively and ultimately kinky dinner party.
If only this fellow was not across the Pond:
Need Someone to Turn Me Into Furniture
If only this fellow was not across the Pond:
Need Someone to Turn Me Into Furniture
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Vagina Monologues + Jumbo's Clown Room
Last night I took a Beautiful Lady out for her first attendance of the Vagina Monologues at the Pico Playhouse. I have to say, I was really disappointed.
Full disclosure: I had seen the play at my small performing and liberal arts school, then decided to audition. My last performance was "The Woman who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy"-- corporate lawyer turned sex worker who loved to hear women moan, then demonstrates all the different moans to the delight of the audience. So I'm totally biased because I had such an incredibly wonderful experience working with all those women, many of whom were already my friends, but all of whom were sex-positive, feminist and who clearly loved their vaginas. That being said, I really didn't feel like these women, who were professionals and classically trained actresses, could hold a candle to the production put on entirely by undergraduates.
I DIDN'T FREAKIN FEEL THE LOVE!!! I felt like the performance was rushed, both in the manner of speaking the dialogues and how each monologue ended with lighting. We should not be viewing the back of an actress as she walks back to her mark, then darkness. But to start at the beginning, there was a pointless clip from comedy.com that I think was promoting a new show, but I can't be sure. Furthermore, I do not think this is allowed as performances of The Vagina Monologues do not allow men on stage during the performance--whether this extends to taped performances or not I will not know until I get a response from my inquiry to V-Day, the organization created to raise funds and awareness regarding violence against women.
Every year the script changes, mostly because a new monologue is written regarding a current issue such as comfort women, transwomen, or this year: the woman in the Congo. Since I was not privy to this year's script, I do not know how much the core monologues have changed, but I do know that there were several changes and omissions to those monologues. At first I thought it was the mistake of the actress, again because of rushed reading, but when it happened again I wondered if it was actually on purpose due to the nature of the edit that made it more "socially acceptable"? Making changes to the script is definitely not allowed.
Finally, audience interaction. I want you as the performer to reach out, twist me around, and play with my heart. I want you to make me feel. Instead, I found myself glancing at my friend's iPhone wondering what we would do after this shit show was over. Maybe that's harsh. Maybe that's not female positive, but damn. I can now understand why people don't want to see this show. This sucked. It's supposed to be conversational, you're supposed to interact with the audience--make us scream CUNT! Make us get moist during the 20 different moans! Make us cry when reading about rape victims of wars. There were so many subtle nuances of humor and poignancy that were totally lost--again much to the fault of speed reading.
So when this show was over, K. and I scope out the rest of our night. I mention a strip club around the corner, she says she hasn't been to a strip club in awhile. I ask her if she wants to go to Jumbo's. Her eyes light up and her face breaks into the widest smile, so I whisk her away to the iconic strip club.
Here, well, here I felt the love. I not only felt it from K.'s face at her delight of being in presence of scantily clad women, but the strippers themselves were talented, dedicated and putting their all into the show. Granted they are putting their effort for immediate monetary compensation, but I was so into them. We were inspired to take pole dancing lessons and practice on the pole in her apartment. We particularly favored two Beautiful Ladies. One dark haired beauty admired for her feistiness, dancing to Blue Monday, kicking the edge of the stage--our favorite was her move of standing precariously on the lighted tip rail in her black stilettos, then looking at the pole with a shrug and defiance, and catapulting herself on to the pole.
However, we both fell in love with a tall, Blonde thing, elegant and edged with tattoos, including a beautiful back piece of a peacock. She delicately and firmly placed her black stilettos on the mirrored ceiling, carefully wrapped her body around the pole with such artistry--at one point she only used her arms hold herself away from the pole, her body parallel and vertical--damn! I found her criss-crossed black garters wonderfully sexy.
I don't know much about these women, but I'd wager to say at least some have some training in dance and gymnastics.
My point about all this is that the women who boasted years of theater experience and fancy degrees from Oxford, they didn't put as much love and effort into their performance as the strippers at Jumbo's.
I put the full heart into my play.
Full disclosure: I had seen the play at my small performing and liberal arts school, then decided to audition. My last performance was "The Woman who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy"-- corporate lawyer turned sex worker who loved to hear women moan, then demonstrates all the different moans to the delight of the audience. So I'm totally biased because I had such an incredibly wonderful experience working with all those women, many of whom were already my friends, but all of whom were sex-positive, feminist and who clearly loved their vaginas. That being said, I really didn't feel like these women, who were professionals and classically trained actresses, could hold a candle to the production put on entirely by undergraduates.
I DIDN'T FREAKIN FEEL THE LOVE!!! I felt like the performance was rushed, both in the manner of speaking the dialogues and how each monologue ended with lighting. We should not be viewing the back of an actress as she walks back to her mark, then darkness. But to start at the beginning, there was a pointless clip from comedy.com that I think was promoting a new show, but I can't be sure. Furthermore, I do not think this is allowed as performances of The Vagina Monologues do not allow men on stage during the performance--whether this extends to taped performances or not I will not know until I get a response from my inquiry to V-Day, the organization created to raise funds and awareness regarding violence against women.
Every year the script changes, mostly because a new monologue is written regarding a current issue such as comfort women, transwomen, or this year: the woman in the Congo. Since I was not privy to this year's script, I do not know how much the core monologues have changed, but I do know that there were several changes and omissions to those monologues. At first I thought it was the mistake of the actress, again because of rushed reading, but when it happened again I wondered if it was actually on purpose due to the nature of the edit that made it more "socially acceptable"? Making changes to the script is definitely not allowed.
Finally, audience interaction. I want you as the performer to reach out, twist me around, and play with my heart. I want you to make me feel. Instead, I found myself glancing at my friend's iPhone wondering what we would do after this shit show was over. Maybe that's harsh. Maybe that's not female positive, but damn. I can now understand why people don't want to see this show. This sucked. It's supposed to be conversational, you're supposed to interact with the audience--make us scream CUNT! Make us get moist during the 20 different moans! Make us cry when reading about rape victims of wars. There were so many subtle nuances of humor and poignancy that were totally lost--again much to the fault of speed reading.
So when this show was over, K. and I scope out the rest of our night. I mention a strip club around the corner, she says she hasn't been to a strip club in awhile. I ask her if she wants to go to Jumbo's. Her eyes light up and her face breaks into the widest smile, so I whisk her away to the iconic strip club.
Here, well, here I felt the love. I not only felt it from K.'s face at her delight of being in presence of scantily clad women, but the strippers themselves were talented, dedicated and putting their all into the show. Granted they are putting their effort for immediate monetary compensation, but I was so into them. We were inspired to take pole dancing lessons and practice on the pole in her apartment. We particularly favored two Beautiful Ladies. One dark haired beauty admired for her feistiness, dancing to Blue Monday, kicking the edge of the stage--our favorite was her move of standing precariously on the lighted tip rail in her black stilettos, then looking at the pole with a shrug and defiance, and catapulting herself on to the pole.
However, we both fell in love with a tall, Blonde thing, elegant and edged with tattoos, including a beautiful back piece of a peacock. She delicately and firmly placed her black stilettos on the mirrored ceiling, carefully wrapped her body around the pole with such artistry--at one point she only used her arms hold herself away from the pole, her body parallel and vertical--damn! I found her criss-crossed black garters wonderfully sexy.
I don't know much about these women, but I'd wager to say at least some have some training in dance and gymnastics.
My point about all this is that the women who boasted years of theater experience and fancy degrees from Oxford, they didn't put as much love and effort into their performance as the strippers at Jumbo's.
I put the full heart into my play.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Daytime Appointments
I am a morning person. I spring out of bed at 6 or 7 every morning, even if I just got home from staying out all night. While I have had some lovely early morning appointments, because to me, nothing says, Good Morning! like some good ole CBT, I just can't except daytime appointments from new clients anymore.
Unfortunately, my daytime has become too precious and there has been a rash of no-shows and johnny-come-latelies. There is nothing I hate more than sitting in traffic in LA only to find myself alone in my studio. Adding to the annoyance is people who can't seem to follow my simple explicit instructions for locating the space. I don't care if you are from out of town--in the modern age of iPhones, GPS, good old-fashioned maps and again, my explicit instructions--this should not be a problem.
It is also virtually impossible for me schedule same day appointments. No harm in asking, but your chances are just so slim. I am busy! I have a full social calendar. I have a vanilla life. I'd love to accommodate you, but I just can't. Please plan accordingly.
Unfortunately, my daytime has become too precious and there has been a rash of no-shows and johnny-come-latelies. There is nothing I hate more than sitting in traffic in LA only to find myself alone in my studio. Adding to the annoyance is people who can't seem to follow my simple explicit instructions for locating the space. I don't care if you are from out of town--in the modern age of iPhones, GPS, good old-fashioned maps and again, my explicit instructions--this should not be a problem.
It is also virtually impossible for me schedule same day appointments. No harm in asking, but your chances are just so slim. I am busy! I have a full social calendar. I have a vanilla life. I'd love to accommodate you, but I just can't. Please plan accordingly.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Saturn Returns
Interesting things happen when you are a woman in Los Angeles. Saging becomes part of your cleaning routine, strappy high heels become routine for daytime wear, Thai massages, highlights, dating actors--but when you turn 27 one of your Beautiful Lady friends hands you a well-thumbed copy of Surviving Saturn Returns.
This is an astrological event that occurs every 27-30 years, and much like El Nino can be blamed for a multitude of things such as love life, job change, etc.
I'm technically a little too early for a true Saturn Returns. But I'm so wise beyond my years I think I'm getting it early. Or maybe I'm just getting caught up with my friends' Saturn Returns.
Regardless, the last few months have been about a lot of loss in the frienship/BDSM department. Two of my dearest Beautiful Ladies moved out of LA; two others retired from professional Domme life; with one I lost the privilege of using her amazing studio. A couple of other Dommes I know socially have similarly retired or withdrawn themselves from the gawking public eye. The recession is felt all over.
I've been feeling a bit Jaded. I've been reconnecting and making new friends in the literary world where I hail from. Some of you have noticed that I haven't been posting as much or responding to e-mails as quickly--for that I do apologize.
I do not see myself hanging up my paddle any time soon, but I don't think I'll be in LA forever. Of course I've been saying that since I got here and I have made absolutely no remote plans to move. It's rather fun here. I love the weather and the farmer's markets.
On a more upbeat note, I do have a couple of very exciting, big things in the hopper that I'm dying to announce, but shall be revealed in due time.
This is an astrological event that occurs every 27-30 years, and much like El Nino can be blamed for a multitude of things such as love life, job change, etc.
I'm technically a little too early for a true Saturn Returns. But I'm so wise beyond my years I think I'm getting it early. Or maybe I'm just getting caught up with my friends' Saturn Returns.
Regardless, the last few months have been about a lot of loss in the frienship/BDSM department. Two of my dearest Beautiful Ladies moved out of LA; two others retired from professional Domme life; with one I lost the privilege of using her amazing studio. A couple of other Dommes I know socially have similarly retired or withdrawn themselves from the gawking public eye. The recession is felt all over.
I've been feeling a bit Jaded. I've been reconnecting and making new friends in the literary world where I hail from. Some of you have noticed that I haven't been posting as much or responding to e-mails as quickly--for that I do apologize.
I do not see myself hanging up my paddle any time soon, but I don't think I'll be in LA forever. Of course I've been saying that since I got here and I have made absolutely no remote plans to move. It's rather fun here. I love the weather and the farmer's markets.
On a more upbeat note, I do have a couple of very exciting, big things in the hopper that I'm dying to announce, but shall be revealed in due time.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
5,000
I think the Blogger counter is still somewhat broken, but I broke 5,000 hits. Wahoo!
As usual, my blog is a work in progess. I am a writer and there are so many things I would like to write about, but they do not always seem appropriate here. Although the more I explore the internets, the more I see a league of awesome, well-written sex worker blogs. I'm proud to be part of this emerging elite crew that goes beyond idiotic drivel and smut but on to real issues and some seriously hot erotica.
I'm gonna keep on truckin'!
As usual, my blog is a work in progess. I am a writer and there are so many things I would like to write about, but they do not always seem appropriate here. Although the more I explore the internets, the more I see a league of awesome, well-written sex worker blogs. I'm proud to be part of this emerging elite crew that goes beyond idiotic drivel and smut but on to real issues and some seriously hot erotica.
I'm gonna keep on truckin'!
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